Conflict Competence Guide

Before a conflict, begin with reflection questions.

  • How do I want to be viewed when the conflict is over?
  • What cues indicate that conflict was about to erupt?
  • What behaviors or statements by others trigger my anger?
  • How can I describe my feelings in words that are informative and yet cast no blame?
  • What is at the root of this conflict?

During a conflict, try to remain calm and focus on core skills.

  • Building relationships – dynamic listening, reflecting thinking, criticizing constructively
  • Managing emotions – taking time outs, controlling anger, reaching out, expressing emotions
  • Resolving conflict – taking action, cooperating & being flexible, creating solutions & collaborating
  • Accepting conflict – realistic & confident self-appraisal, adapting, contemplating alternatives, evaluating career and well-being

After a conflict, assess yourself and learn for future interactions.

  • What did I do well? What areas still need improvement?
  • How will others view me and my actions?
  • Are changes necessary in the decisions I made during the conflict?
  • Did my body language and nonverbal cues express my unspoken emotions?
  • Were needs met – mine as well as others?