CONFLICT RESILIENCE QUIZ

For each of the statements below, indicate on how true the statement is for you.

1 = Less True                                       5 = More True

After most interpersonal conflicts, I usually tend to:

  • Recover quickly and do not worry, agonize or stay preoccupied about what the other person said or did that offended me.
  • Forgive and do not bear a grudge about the other person and what s/he said or did.
  • Reflect on what I learned from the conflict that will help me manage future disagreements.
  • Reach out to make amends with the other person.
  • Take responsibility for my part of the conflict and consider what I may have done differently.
  • Not share my side of the situation with others in self-serving and distorted ways.
  • Feel hopeful that things will be better and consider how I will try to contribute positively to this happening.
  • Move on and not see myself as a victim or feel sorry for myself.
  • Not continue to perceive the other person in negative ways.
  • Not bad-mouth the other person to others.
  • Identify what may have been important to the other person that I did not realize before.
  • Apologize for my part of the conflict.
  • Have a better appreciate for and understanding of the other person’s perspective on the issues, even if I don’t agree with it.
  • Not criticize, blame myself, or engage in other self-deprecating behaviors about what I did or said (or didn’t say or do).
  • Let go of blaming the other person for what s/he did or said (or didn’t say or do).

SCORING KEY

15-39:            I guess you already know you are not conflict resilient and coaching is highly recommended.

40-54:            Your conflict resilience quotient is low and conflict coaching is recommended.

55-69:            You are conflict resilient with a few areas that could use some work to strengthen your skills even more.

70-75:            You are definitely conflict resilient.

From Cinery Coaching

What are your Hot Buttons?

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Five Strategies for Regaining Emotional Balance:

•Cognitive reappraisal (aka “reframing”)   – examine the facts underlying a conflict for nonthreatening, alternative explanations

•Mindfulness  - pay attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally to things as they are, observe what you are feeling and thinking, rather than being caught up in the thoughts and feelings

•Changing Focus – disrupt negative emotional reactions by breaking the mind’s absorption on thoughts related to the conflict

•Cultivate Positive Emotions   – What brings you deep sense of peace, contentment and happiness?,  Use humor and laughter to foster a sense of gratitude,  Think of what things inspire you and make you happy, positive emotions have a cumulative effect, so reflect on these uplifting thoughts daily

•Resilience  - it takes time to recover from strong negative emotions, decrease the time it takes you to recover from emotional hijacking by building your capacity to respond effectively

Go to Guide of Questions:

Before a conflict, begin with reflection questions.

  • How do I want to be viewed when the conflict is over?
  • What cues indicate that conflict was about to erupt?
  • What behaviors or statements by others trigger my anger?
  • How can I describe my feelings in words that are informative and yet cast no blame?
  • What is at the root of this conflict?

During a conflict, try to remain calm and focus on core skills.

  • Building relationships – dynamic listening, reflecting thinking, criticizing constructively
  • Managing emotions – taking time outs, controlling anger, reaching out, expressing emotions
  • Resolving conflict - taking action, cooperating & being flexible, creating solutions & collaborating
  • Accepting conflict - realistic & confident self-appraisal, adapting, contemplating alternatives, evaluating career and well-being

After a conflict, assess yourself and learn for future interactions.

  • What did I do well? What areas still need improvement?
  • How will others view me and my actions?
  • Are changes necessary in the decisions I made during the conflict?
  • Did my body language and nonverbal cues express my unspoken emotions?
  • Were needs met – mine as well as others?